Justin Bieber Needs To Go
I’m not a fan of cancel culture, I’m not saying we should “cancel” him. But how many times can one dude swing and miss before he decides to lay the bat down? Justin Bieber’s new song “Yummy” sucks, and the promotional ploys accompanying it have ranged from outright creepy to wildly desperate.
The song is repetitive and unintelligent. Sonically, it’s okay — it would be fine if the lyrics weren’t so lame and immature. Somehow, it took him and four other songwriters to create this nonsense. I’d be fine if I never heard it again. Better than fine, actually, I’d be quite pleased.
Throughout the song, the word “yummy” is used as a euphemism for sex. For some reason, Justin decided to promote the song by flooding his Instagram page with photos of babies, each accompanied solely by the hashtag #yummy. Inside joke? Pedophilia? Who knows, who cares. It’s weird.
Following that perturbing promotional choice, he felt the need to shove “Yummy” down everyone’s throat in an apparent effort to convince himself he’s still relevant by getting the single to the #1 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. He encouraged fans to purchase the song multiple times, create Spotify playlists that only contain the song and play them on repeat at a low volume without pause, and even suggested that international fans install Virtual Private Networks to reroute their IP address’s locations through U.S. destinations so that their streaming the song would to contribute to his domestic numbers.
Like. Jesus, dude. Get a grip. For better or for worse, you’re never going to top “Baby”, and your legacy will forever be one of a thirteen year old with a squeaky voice. But hell, is that worse than one of a seemingly strung out (sure, blame it on Lyme disease) twenty-something with pink hair and a face tattoo?